A Parent’s Guide: Managing Expectations in Junior Squash
When a child shows passion and talent in sport, it’s natural for parents to dream big with them. But navigating expectations — both theirs and ours — is delicate. Too little expectation can feel like apathy; too much can crush motivation. Striking a balance is key.
Here’s how parents can manage expectations wisely, stay supportive, and help their child love the journey — not just the outcome.
1️⃣ Recognise the Two Expectation Roles
- Your expectations — hopes for your child’s progress, success, or future in the sport
- Your child’s expectations — what they believe they can do, should do, or want to do
Both sets influence behaviour, motivation, and emotional wellbeing. It’s not about eliminating expectations, but making sure they’re realistic, flexible, and growth-oriented.
2️⃣ Focus on Effort, Process & Growth
If every discussion or evaluation is about winning or ranking, a child can start to believe their value is tied to outcomes. Instead:
- Celebrate effort over result (“That rally you kept going in — that’s resilience.”)
- Highlight progress (“You hit more nicks this month than before.”)
- Emphasise learning and reflection (“What did you discover about your footwork today?”)
This creates a mindset that sees setbacks as opportunities, not failures.
3️⃣ Set Expectations Together
Rather than imposing goals, engage your child in setting them. Ask:
- What do you want to work on this season?
- What would make you feel proud of yourself?
- What feels realistic with your time, school, and energy?
When expectations are co-created, they carry more ownership and less pressure.
4️⃣ Keep Expectations Adaptable
Youth sport is full of fluctuations — growth spurts, injuries, motivation dips, academic demands. What’s realistic one month may be too much the next.
Be ready to adjust expectations. Flexibility is not weakness — it’s wisdom. When you adapt expectations rather than rigidly enforcing them, your child feels supported, not controlled.
5️⃣ Use Reflection, Not Judgement
After a match or training session:
- Ask open questions: “What went well? What surprised you? What would you try differently next time?”
- Avoid statements like “You should have” or “You didn’t do enough.”
- Encourage curiosity: mistakes are data, not disasters.
When expectation gives way to reflection, growth becomes intrinsic rather than imposed.
6️⃣ Know Your Role — Cheerleader, Coach, and Anchor
Parents often juggle multiple roles. Here’s how to maintain balance:
- Cheerleader: celebrate small wins and daily effort.
- Watcher: step back and observe without micromanaging.
- Coach (soft): ask guiding questions, not directives.
- Anchor: provide emotional safety when things are tough.
When your child knows you’re there even when things don’t go perfectly, their trust in the process deepens.
7️⃣ Beware of Comparing & External Pressure
Comparisons are tempting — to teammates, siblings, or rankings — but they can sour motivation.
- Avoid comparing to others — every athlete’s path is unique.
- Don’t let your pride or external expectations lead the narrative.
- Be mindful of language in front of others: avoid, “Your friend is better,” or “We expect nationals soon.”
Keep expectations tied to your child’s potential and effort, not someone else’s scoreboard.
8️⃣ Let Go of Outcomes, Embrace Identity
At some point, your child may not reach the highest level you once dreamed of. That doesn’t mean their journey ends — it evolves.
Encourage identity beyond sport: scholar, friend, sibling, creator, leader. If outcomes shift, the person remains.
When parents soften the focus on results, the journey becomes more rewarding — for both of you.
✅ Quick-Check Summary for Parents
| Strategy | Why It Helps | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Celebrate effort & process | Builds internal motivation | “You hung in there despite fatigue.” |
| Co-create goals | Ownership reduces pressure | “What will make you proud this week/tournament/match?” |
| Adaptive expectations | Honors changing life conditions | “We can reduce tournament load this month and still hit our long term goals.” |
| Reflect, don’t judge | Turns mistakes into learning | “What surprised you today?” |
| Avoid comparisons | Protects self-esteem | Focus on their improvements |
| Support identity beyond sport | Prevents burnout & disillusionment | “Sport’s part of who you are, not all of it.” |
💭 Final Thoughts
Managing expectations isn’t a one-time fix — it’s an ongoing conversation between parent and child. The goal is to build a sporting environment where your child feels safe enough to dream, brave enough to try, and loved regardless of the scoreboard.
When expectations are kept in check, your child grows with joy, resilience, and confidence — and that’s a victory that lasts far beyond the court.
💬 Keep Reading
If you found this helpful, explore more from our A Parent’s Guide to Squash series — written to support parents at every stage of their child’s journey:
- 🧠 Encouraging Without Pressure — how to motivate your child while keeping their love for the game alive.
- 🎒 What to Bring to a Squash Tournament — the ultimate checklist for stress-free tournament days.
- 🎯 Tournament Prep for Parents — tips to help your child (and you) arrive confident, calm, and ready to play.
For more stories, tips, and insights from across the world of squash, visit our full blog at 👉 oliversquash.co.uk/blog